Sunday, April 02, 2006

Broadcasting to you! Live! From the couch.

Music: Michael W. Smith - Healing Rain (click to download)

When your brain is not working in unison with your body, you often find yourself in a lurch because of the distruption in the "chain of command". For instance, I've been daydreaming a lot. I daydream in the sense that I say things to certain people in my life only to realise it a few minutes later that I'm in a state of sleep. I've experienced this at least half a dozen times now ever since the day I was diagnosed with my brain tumor. Secondly, there's always sorry state of me lying in bed for too long in a day. My body wants to get up and take my walks but my mind's begging for a little bit more rest; which translates to an extended 4 hour nap most of the time! I only get to shower once a day. I've not shaven for the past 4 days now. I've seem to have the lost the 'urgency' to clean myself these days. Facial paralysis is still evident on the right side of my face. Frustrating, isn't it?

I haven't given up my faith in the Lord's healing. That is the last thing on my mind right now especially when I'm dealt with such the prospect of having permanent brain damage. But, next week, I will need to see some an important doctor to see if there's any chance of me getting this operated with better chances of 100% removal. Then there's the issue of making sure that the statistics do not go against the doctor when it comes to operating 'sphenoid wing meningiomas'. Personally, I'm not too sure if there are a lot of capable hands locally or if I'm going to be some form of surgical experimentation for the surgeons (which I truly hope won't be the case...).

I will pray hard to the Holy Father for His guidance and wisdom in making this critical decision when the time comes. I will not be afraid because I have Him with me during this turbulent time. Thank you Lord for the strength you continue to resonate through my mind and soul. Amen.

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