Friday, April 07, 2006

The 3rd opinion.

Music: Jens Lekman - Someone To Share My Life With (click to download)

As I round out all my options, the decision making process can always be a hassle. But is it possible that the third option usually the easiest to believe? After all, I've managed to piss off the first two specialists by indirectly telling them that "On paper, you're good, but your credibility precedes you" or "I can't afford to pay for your luxury car".

Going into my last and final option after weeks of suffering, I obviously needed to be a good judge of criteria for the doctor I'd need. Someone who has experience in handling complicated surgeries like mine, recommended by former patients, cautious-minded, self-assured and believes in the power of prayer. Personally, a medical doctor who doesn't have faith in religion is not a doctor at all. That's a businessman by profession.

My third opinion, fortunately, seems to be forthright and honest with me about what he's to expect. We ran through the MRI scans and radiology reports. He even elaborated on the problems that he may face when he does get down to my craniotomy; huge amount of blood loss and key brain areas he has to avoid dissecting for my sake. The only gloomy of the conversation was probably when he said that I may require radiotherapy if it is indeed a cancerous tumor, by which of course he would only be able to tell after a biopsy of the tumor sample removed from my head. From the way he acts and talks, I'm almost certain that he's patient and surgical with his hands and not with his lip service.

I've extended my medical leave for another 14 days. I should make a definite decision sometime soon, perhaps by this weekend. It's hard to think straight when you're putting your own brains on the line. It's even harder when my dad's still putting 120% on faith alone without planning anything ahead, believing that a miracle will happen.

Taking cue from my mate's journal, 'Talk To The Hand', this is how I feel every morning and every night.

What can I do but sit and wait. It's my head on the line anyway, right?

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