Monday, January 12, 2009

Post-cytotron: What's been going on?

Music: Explosions In The Sky - Our Last Days As Children (click to download)

Now, why would I go and post another post-rock song in my blog!

Before I answer that; a little update on my life after the India experiment. We'll start off with the good news.

The upside has been a slight improvement in my facial sensation and the throbbing pain in my temporal area has disappeared after 6 weeks of cytotron treatment. The kind physicans there tweaked with the facial nerves and were absolutely determined to convert the non-differentiated cancer cells into differentiated ones; stable, non-metastasizing cancer cells. How I wish the buck stopped there...but there remains a few obstacles for my life to even return to partial normalcy.

Upon returning home from India, I've been experiencing excruciating headaches almost every morning which has further dampen my spirits whenever I'm not around friends or family. Coupled with other post-treatment effects such as severe itchiness over the treated areas and occasional reminders of splitting pains around the now-void eye area, I often stay in bed weathering the storm till the late afternoons. If that wasn't severe enough, my appetite has also significantly decreased over the past week and I'm living on a meal a day these days.

On the emotional front I guess it's easy to disguise my loneliness when I have set some goals to achieve in 2009. The best advice I can give to able-bodied cancer patients is that you plan out your months sparingly with key events (outings or things to do) and maybe seek God for a moment of 'random kindness' or opportunities to love and care for others. Believe me, giving during this difficult time lifts your spirits up more than anything else. Even the simplest of things - like fixing your friend's iPod can contribute to your day's smile. A sense of achievement even when you're at your most fragile phase of your life.

Now, to explain my obsession with songs post-rock. To be honest, my life evolves around this particular genre because of how emotionally evoking it can be. I really don't know for certain what's to be expected this early February 2009 when I get my latest MRI scans out. The week-long delay is caused by a suggestion from my family that I should chill for the moment and let the Lunar New Year pass before inviting any POSSIBLE unwelcome news.

My logical plan upon receiving a detailed report to my February 2009 scans would be to devise a plan to obtain proton therapy treatment in either Wanjie Proton Therapy Centre in China or go States-bound: Massachusetts General Hospital. All these plans remain tentative as it leans on the oncologist's confidence in the procedure considering its size, dodgy location and my treatment history. Should the mass expand to a non-treatable size, I may even have to get another craniotomy done. Yikes!

I've been meaning to write about my experiences in Bangalore but they all seem too scientific for a common man like me to decipher. I still am adamant that I should be able to forge something out of the sessions I've had with the kind physicians in Scalene Cybernetics. Please accept my apologies for the late transmission.

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