Preparing for the worst.

So you got your brain scanned and you know there's definitely something wrong. What's next?

People constantly complain that they have insufficient time to go about managing their daily ordeals but when faced with dire circumstances, all of a sudden you have time! This happens in the movies, in the world of airfreight and it should ring true in your daily life. I'm almost certain that God is generous enough to allow you precious 7 days to prepare for the worst - your nine inch nail.

I hold the belief that I do not fear death. The consultation with my neurosurgeon tomorrow will be nothing more than a prep talk of what's the sad news and what's the bad news. I still have a lot of fight left in me; to serve God, to serve the people around me. Despite not fearing death, I fear the notion of being a burden to people around me. I don't think I'd cope with disability well.

Knowing that it could possibly be the end, here's a list of things I might want to do building up to the night before surgery:



1. Have I archived my CDs accordingly in chronological order?
2. Have I archived my DVDs accordingly based on genre?
3. Have I archived my mp3s accordingly in chronological order?
4. Have I made my bed?
5. Have I called up the loved ones in my life to tell them not to miss me too much?
6. Have I written my will?
7. Have I written little post-it notes to myself and hide them around the house to remind me of things I might forget post-surgery?

I look back at this list and a part of me feels downright upset. Silly, incomplete and uncalled for! If I had things my way, there's at least a dozen chapters left in me before I get robbed of a perfect ending (robbed just like everyone else). Is it wrong for me to dream of having a fairytale ending to it all?