Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Are things getting tough?

Music: Scott Weiland - Sentimental Halos (click to download)

It's been two long months and I'm still waiting and hoping for answers in my quest for palliative care against mesenchymal chondrosarcoma. The last time anybody dared to use the term at me was way back in 2006 when I had my first bout with it. It is indeed difficult for patients with recurrent episodes of skull-base cancer in Malaysia to seek for proper follow-up health care. There is no availability of technology for one. And the obvious is the rarity of what yours truly is going through. I'm glad that I've not stumbled across whack practitioners that will randomly prescribe anything...say, chemo drugs or repeat conventional radiotherapy in precisely the same area that's been treated before, just to get me out of their hair.

I keep asking God if I'm supposed to wait for new symptoms to crop up or may I be enlightened with some directions soon. Speaking of the former, my right nose started to bleed again just a few hours back. The last time I hit the panic button in mid January, my doctor told me only another debulking surgery could have helped me. Now, I've read about people who've been through hell and back; checking in and out of surgery wards for as long as they could remember but honestly I have no intention of following suit.

Why am I slowly waiting in agony?
For a miracle drug to cure this bug?
And while my worries are halted in His reprieve,
The clock ticks on synonymous with each air I breathe.

If faith is what holds me still,
Can I at least have the belief that medicine cures the ill?
Seeking high and low if just for a path,
It's still useless - everything leads to my epitaph.

Thank you to all my friends, the Malaysian Chinese Association and doctors from HUKM  for being concerned about how I'm pulling through and helping to shoulder this burden with me. If I ever have anything to smile about these days, it's because of you.

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